Monday, August 3, 2015

Going with the flow

I got some pretty shocking news today. I realize that nothing in life is guaranteed but to discover that my boss did not get the promotion that she was applying for that would make her my super-big boss has left me speechless. I also had to apply for my own job today because I wasn't hired the "legal" way before and I was one of 4 candidates. I also had to interview while having a sinus infection. The realization that I might be without a job next week, is kinda hard to swallow. I'm not truly worried. I'm trying not to be and if I wasn't the main bread winner at my house and live in a city that wasn't so poor (75% poverty), I guess I would say no biggie. But if I lose my job I will be back to square one and only have 1 month to figure it out before things started getting cut off and repo'd.

I always imagined that I would work in some large corporation somewhere in the world. Running around as a minion during my 20's, climbing the ladder in my 30's, and completely fulfilled by my 50's. It never occurred to me that I would ever change course so drastically and enter my 30's as a minion with the notion that I would have to stay a minion for the next 30 years so my son could go to college debt free-something my husband and I were never given.

My first job out of college was for a small business owner and I loved it. Truth be told, if he would have grown up and decided to act his age (50ish) instead of 20(ish) I would still be working there. Plus I never liked his style which was to hustle people and make quick easy money. But I fell in love with small business. The hustle and bustle of making it on your own. I loved it! And it's something that I have wanted to do for years. They say, whoever "they"are, that you have to find your niche. And that's the kink. When I combine my lack of true focus on one certain area plus my lack of confidence that I would succeed, you end up with me working at a secretary wishing I had the balls to do more.

I know what my niche is though. It's in the kitchen. I love cooking and baking. That is my passion. When I start to really get stressed out, I want to get in my kitchen and make something from scratch. Somehow my problems melt away when I have flour in my hair and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs playing on Pandora. If I could have a job, it would be to bake and deliver. Maybe that's an idea I could test out. Who knows?

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