Thursday, September 11, 2014


I was asked about a month ago by a friend at my church if I would be willing to take over as commander for the awana program. I was very hesitant because I had never been a listener or teacher before so I had no real experience with it. She assured me that the teachers had been doing it for years and that I would be fine. So after some prayer, I thought that God wanted me to accept the position so I did. After sending weeks doing research, I printed my schedule, consulted with the teachers and past Awana leaders, worked to help promote the club and last night was our first meeting.

Last year's attendance: 20

Last night's attendance: 6

I was and still am disappointed. We went over the list of former students, at least 5 have moved on to the youth program and won't be returning, 1 was sick that we know of, 2 were with their parents at a football game and the rest didn't attend because they don't like me. Or so my mind wants me to believe even though that is completely absurd. 

As I swept the floor full of cookie crumbs before we left for the night, I couldn't help but think that I was serving a very unwelcome prison sentence for the next 35 weeks or so. To make matters worse I couldn't help but reflect on a youtube video that I was listening to of Joyce Meyer talking about how some times we impulsively agree to things that we have no business being involved in. It got me thinking, Did I completely make up the idea in my head that God wanted me to be involved in Awana? Do I not know how (like literally) to listen to him? Have a made a huge mistake and done a huge disservice to the children and my church? 

I went to bed exhausted in more ways than one. I wanted to cry but I was too tired. I just wanted to wake up today and pretend that it didn't happen. But instead I wake up 2 hours before my alarm because when I'm anxious I can't sleep, pondering those same questions.

I also have some new questions like: 

Maybe I have the wrong perspective.  Maybe God put me right where I need to be and this is all for my learning and better understanding of him. Maybe he has a plan for me that has not been revealed yet. Maybe those 6 kids need him right now more than ever and he wants all of our attention on them. Maybe I should get my head out of my ass and run a fantastic club for those children and stop whining about not having a huge club. 

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